Star Song post

He he, here's my story idea for star song: (If you don't want it, Cx2, I'll make my own story, called something else, of course.;)

I lay on my bed, rolling a ball back and forth, but the ball was on the opposite side of the room. My hand waved back and forth pushing it across the table. I lifted it, then dropped it. It bounced up and down, till it fell of the table and on to the floor. My eyes turned to the window. "I wonder where dad is right now." I thought.
My father was a captain in the (I don't know what to call the space police, little help Cx2?), I hadn't seen him for ten years, since I was seven.
My mother had died giving birth to me. My father said I looked just like her, same deep blue eyes and and very dark shoulder length hair. I had seen a picture of her once, indeed, I did see the resemblance, I never forgot how pretty she looked.
I closed my eyes. A beautiful young woman, her short, dark brown hair seemed to bounce in a soft breeze. Her pretty blue eyes had a soft glow of happieness.
"Kenzy!" My eyes snapped open. "Kenzy!" The curt vioce of my gaurdian wasn't even muffled by the closed, thick, metal door.
"Intrude." I muttered. Illannoy walked in. "Perfect name for her." I though, with a slight grin. "She's ill-mannered and annoying."
"I just recieved an urjent message from the (Space police)" She said, giving me a sharp look and handing me a (Message sender that showes a holigram of the speaker). I bearly bothered to sit up. Taking the (discription of the message sender thing) in my hand, I clicked a tiny button on the side. A holigram of a (Space police) captain appeared. "I have to inform you that Captian Matt Hew (Hee hee) has gone missing." I nearly gasped out loud. "On his last mission, we suddenly lost Captain Hew on raidar, we don't know if he has abandoned his work at the (Space police place), kidnapped, or attacked. We have sent out (Takes an Aero chocolate bar from the box my little sister hands me. yummy!) 6 ships in search of him, we will send information as recieved."
The man dissapeared and me and my gaurdian sat in sighlence. "Just like him," Illannoy scoffed. "He was always talking of quiting his job at the (Space police place), but he had agread to work there for 30 years. Just like him to quit. Traitor."
That was it, I'd had enough. "How could you say that about my dad?!" I sputtered, anger boiling up in side of me. "Kenzy" Illannoy said in a stern vioce. "Don't raise your vioce to me." "Raise my vioce?" I shouted. "My father is in trouble--maybe dead--and you tell me not to raise my vioce?" "Mackenzie, Millanore, Hew!" She called me by my full name. "You have no idea what your father was like, there are high chances that he-" "I don't care what he was like!" I cried, tears burning my cheeks. "Get out." I said in a low voice. "Mackenzie." I could sense her anger, and that just made me more angry. "Out." I pushed her towards the doorway. Illannoys hand flew and slapped me on the cheek. Startled, I stepped back. "I expect better behavior from you." I would've punched her right there if she hadn't have left to quickly.
I threw myself onto my bed, my cheek stung. "I shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me." I thought with a sigh, tears came to my cheeks, but I would not allow myself to cry. "Where could dad be?"
Half an hour later, I had made up my mind,6 ships were not enough to find my dad. And if no one was making an effort to find my dad, I would.

How do you like it? Good, bad, ugly?
I do need some help with those things in the brackets, Cx2, could you comment me some suggestions? For the space police thing, I was thinking something like SPA, Space Police Association. For the messenger thing, I was thinking that it would be a disc and called something like a Discam (Disc hologram) or DHM (Disc Hologram Messenger) or something else that you have in mind. Please respond as soon as possible.